date:Sunday, October 21, 2007
time:8:43 PM
title:
Let's do it again when you come back alright Nicole?
We'll drink till we pass out. Or maybe till I commit suicide or all four of us die or something.
Anyways, seeing you cry, just made me feel very, extemely important. It made me feel that, at end of the day, there is people who really care for me. Who will cry with me when I'm down. Who will laugh with me, when I'm happy. Who will always be there to support my decision when I'm caught in the middle. I'm really glad to have friends like you guys. Honestly, this road has been so tough lately but I realised, I'm not the only one suffering. I'm surprised I didn't cry though. Maybe I cried too much till I couldn't cry anymore. Yup, you all saw my eyes. They burn.. Been crying my tears away.
I'll be strong for you. & really, I love you so much.
Hunny, you just don't know how guilty I feel when I saw you cry yesterday. It's so hard to describe in words. It just hurts so badly to see you cry because of us.
40% of it all down my throat.
We'll do it again alright? This time we won't cry but just laugh till we explode or something. I can't really remember what I said and what happened, but if you do tell me.. I'm able to recall :)
Knowing that you were worried for me just makes me feel like you care so much about me. It makes me feel like as if you love me so much, but sadly.. you don't. We're back to the past where your feelings faded. I don't know if you're able to get it back. Only time will tell.
I'm so extremely confused. Some people are telling me to patch back with him, but some of them are telling me to move on. What's worse is, I don't know what I really want. Follow your heart?
My heart isn't with me now. You stole it away and I don't know when I'll be able to get my heart back.
I want to be with you but you know, it's unfair for me to give in a 100% when you're only giving in less than that. But on the other hand, I want you back because I don't mind putting in more than a 100% because I love you so much. I'm so freaking confused. I really don't know what to do. I've heard this many times before, "No matter what you do, I'll always support your decision."
Thanks, but I can't move on.. and I can't ask him back. I'm just a victim. Stuck at the crossroads.
